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Not so perfect...

Updated: Jun 21, 2023

I went to school, learned something new And tried to follow every rule I studied my vocabulary Had some fun with Bob and Larry

And so it's really good to know How much you love me It's true, the bible says you do You really love me

Your love was with me all throughout my day

This is a song from VeggieTales that Junior Asparagus sings. This is how I used to think….well, still think. As long as I am perfect, do everything well, God and everyone in my life likes me. I put so many requirements on myself and I get so disappointed if I don’t achieve everything. For example, the other day I had 16 items on my to-do list…and about 20 more on my “sub-lists”. I got all of them done except “Make the bed” and I felt like a complete failure. I felt like I had disappointed the whole world. It’s not super realistic, as many people keep telling me “Everybody loves you”, but I just put so much pressure on myself.

I have been making huge steps this week. I started driving again and got up to about 12 miles in one day. I took a new strategy towards cleaning and was able to get so much done, including doing three loads of laundry, which I haven’t been able to do for months. I prepped all my own food, which I haven’t done since I got home from the Residential Program over a year ago. And I went into a grocery store, picked up a few things I needed, and picked up a few things that were NOT ON THE LIST! What?! I’m so loosey-goosey 😊

This made me feel so successful. Now everyone will love me and be proud of me, right? Well then, I listened to the other half of the song:

I somehow overlooked my bed It seems my dog is underfed Forgot to change my underclothes Watched one too many T.V. shows.

And so It's good to know How much you love me

It's true The Bible says you do You really love me Your love was with me all throughout my day

So maybe I don’t have to be as perfect as I thought. In addition to all the amazing things I did this week, I needed help one day, and I had a regression one day. I felt so discouraged and like such a failure. But I’m not a failure. I’m human. God loves me, and a lot of people love me, too. It’s okay to take some steps forward and some steps back. It’s okay to not get anything accomplished some days, just to rest. I forget sometimes, but I’m getting better at it. And I am so lucky to have a support team that reminds me.

You don’t have to be perfect either. Just do your best. You are loved for who you are, not what you do. Now I just have to remember it!!

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