Mania

I recently had a pretty intense mania, for which many of you were praying and sending me positive thoughts, but I realized that it’s likely that most people don’t know exactly what a mania includes.

When I’m in a deep depression, especially for a long time like it has been this past year, I pray for a mania.  There are some great parts to it…at least for the person going through it.  There is pressured speech, where you speak very quickly and very emphatically.  There is also an incredibly high mood.  You feel like you can do ANYTHING and are so excited.  Unfortunately for me, I didn’t get much of those particular symptoms this time.  They can be very exhausting for my support people, though, so it wasn’t all bad.

I also tend to spend a lot of money, particularly on Amazon.  I don’t have a lot of money, so it can be very dangerous.  We have worked out a system that when the packages start coming I put them in a corner of the living room and don’t open them until I get the go ahead from Alice or my mom.  Then I can make a more rational decision about whether I should keep them or not.

I don’t sleep.  We increased my medicine by a ton and it was still difficult to sleep more than an hour in a row.  As the medicine increases the amount of sleep increases, but this makes me a little groggy and clumsy during the day.  Plus after many days of this I am so tired.  Also, there are always side effects to having to increase medications.

The most difficult symptoms for me are the psychotic ones.  I get very paranoid, thinking my mom is out to get me, etc.  I also think that God is telling me to do things that would hurt either me or someone else I love.  It takes a very long time to convince me that those voices are not true and it can be scary.

I’m sure there are other symptoms I’m not thinking of, but that’s the gist of it.  Mania may sound fun, but it is not really in any way, and can cause a ton of damage.  I was VERY lucky that I didn’t have to be hospitalized, but that’s not always the case, and that’s my worst nightmare.

Thank you for taking the time to learn a little more, and, as always, feel free to ask questions, I’m here to teach!