"It's Not That Easy Bein' Green"
Updated: Jun 21
“It's not that easy bein' green
Having to spend each day
The color of the leaves
When I think it could be nicer
Bein' red or yellow or gold
Or something much more colorful like that”
This song, Being Green by Joe Roposo from Sesame Street is one of my favorite songs because it really speaks to how I feel. It's really hard sometimes to be the only person in your family with a serious mental illness, even if your family is super supportive. We are on the vacation of a lifetime to Disneyworld - home of the Muppets, and everybody is having an amazing time....except for me. Everything is just so hard. I'm even taking extra anxiety medicine and I am barely hanging on. I feel so alone.
I hate going in public sometimes, because I never know when my illness is going to rear it's ugly head. Today my mom said we were going to Disney Springs and we would go to the Lego Store. I said, maybe they'll have the Sesame Street Lego Set...and then I started sobbing. Startled, my mom was like, um...why are you crying?? Because Mr. Hooper died! (In 1982) it's just so sad. And my super accommodating sister jumped in with, I support you, I just don't get it. And that's just it. No one gets it. I don't even get it, but it makes me feel so alone.
I've been having the same problem with all of the shows that we go to. My niece and nephews are bouncing in their seats, beaming from ear to ear, and I am sitting in my seat, sobbing during each musical number, and especially during the curtain call. I can't help but wonder what is wrong with me?! My mom was a music teacher, my brother in law was a drum major and runs a muical company, his dad was a music teacher, my sister was violin genius....music runs in our blood. So why on earth does it make me so hysterical. It is not easy to be the only one who is like that.
But the thing is, for the most part, I am okay with who I am. I am smart, I am creative, I am passionate, and I am working to make a difference in the world. I'm different, that's for sure, but my family loves and accepts me, and so do so many other wonderful support people in my life. It's really hard to be me some days, but I'm glad I'm who I am.
“When green is all there is to be It could make you wonder why But why wonder, why wonder?
I am green and it'll do fine It's beautiful and I think it's what I wanna be”
Lyrics from Bein’ Green by Joe Roposo in 1970/