Thanksgiving

Well, Thanksgiving has come and gone, and I just can’t stop thinking about what I am the most thankful for.  This year, it’s my mom.

How could it not be?  She does so much for me!

Because my bipolar is so bad, I’ve been living with her a long time.  Most days I can barely get out of bed, so she does my laundry, cooks for me, and so much more.

I’m not able to drive very far, so she drives me so much of where I need to go.

I’ve had an unbelievable number of doctor’s appointments, and not only does she drive me to them, but she goes in with me because the ECT has hurt my memory so much and we need to remember what they say.

She has to support me when I get so upset, which is a lot of the time, but especially when she goes to work and I panic because I am going to be alone.  I don’t know how she does it.

I feel guilty so much of the time because I cry many times a day and she just has to live with it.  It doesn’t make sense and she can’t fix it, which I know must be hard.

I know it also must be hard to watch her daughter suffer.  You always want your children to be happy and successful.  I feel like I am letting her down.  She would NEVER say that though.  She loves me too much.

I love my mom so much, and I hope that one day I am able to help her as much as she helps me.  Although, really, I hope she never needs this much help, it would be much better if she had a happy and healthy life.

So that’s why I’m so thankful.  I can’t tell her enough how much she means to me, but I will never stop trying.  Liz